Parenting the Soul: Your Healing Is Your Child’s Inheritance

In this powerful episode of Happy Hour for the Spiritually Curious, Dr. Sandra Marie sits down with Blanka Molnar, founder of Awarenest, to explore the deeper layers of conscious parenting, inner child healing, and ancestral trauma release.

Blanka shares her personal and professional journey through family constellation therapy, motherhood, and the grief of multiple miscarriages. Together, we explore how our unresolved pain—often passed down through generations—can silently shape our parenting, health, and relationships.

This conversation is more than parenting tips. It’s an invitation to reclaim your voice, break generational cycles, and realize that your healing is your child’s inheritance.

What We Cover in This Episode:

• What we owe our inner child before parenting others
• How unprocessed ancestral trauma shows up in our bodies, relationships, and parenting
• Blanka’s personal experience with miscarriage, grief, and systemic healing
• The difference between conscious parenting vs. perfectionism
• Why family constellation therapy works even if you don’t know your family history
• Breaking cycles of yelling, shame, and guilt in motherhood
• Supporting fathers and partners through unseen grief
• How to hold space for your own rage, sadness, and truth without bypassing
• The silent power of children who never arrive and what they teach us
• Signs you're returning to your body and presence in parenting

Connect: Blanka Molnar  

Chapters

• 0:51 The Inner Child and Parenting
• 7:08 Generational Shifts in Parenting
• 11:52 The Role of Presence in Parenting
• 17:23 Navigating Grief and Miscarriage
• 21:03 Acknowledging Unborn Children
• 23:42 Healing Through Family Constellation
• 30:36 Empowerment in the Healing Journey

Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:03.084)
Enjoy this Wild Soul gathering production. I'm Dr. Sanda Marie. Pour yourself a really tall glass of spiritual curiosity and join me for the happy hour for the Spiritually Curious podcast. In the spirit of happy hour, cheers to some new insights, peace, revitalization, and perhaps an aha moment that may change your life.

Welcome back to Happy Hour for the spiritually curious. Today's guest, Blanca Molnar, brings a rare combination of ancestral depth and modern presence to the path of parenting. As the founder of awareness, Blanca helps parents move from reactivity to resonance and from overwhelm to clarity through the tools of family constellation, meditation, and deep systemic healing. This conversation is not just about parenting. It's about reclaiming the silenced parts of ourselves.

honoring the children seen and unseen, and remembering that our healing is our children's inheritance. Welcome to the show, Blanca.

Thank you so much for having me. just have chills like hearing this. This was a beautiful, beautiful intro. Thank you.

This is a really important conversation that is embedded deep in a lot of people that honestly doesn't get the conversation it deserves. So I'm really grateful to have you here today. Thank you. Before we even talk about parenting children, I want to start somewhere deeper. Blanco, what do we owe the inner child and us before we try to parent the child in front of us?

Speaker 1 (01:37.934)
that's deep because first of all, the awareness of our inner child and how much is actually controlling or guiding our life. So many parents, I mean, we don't get the manual to be parents. And then you have an idea how you were parented and then you have a child maybe completely different that you expected and you are just day by day reacting unless you bring awareness.

and you bring awareness to the inner child that whenever you are parenting, you are parenting yourself too. That needs a lot of awareness, lots of presence and lots of healing involved because we consciously have to revire our brain and go deep into ourselves and explore our triggers so they are not affecting the child who we parent. So we are healing ourselves

and we are parenting ourselves or re-parenting ourselves and our inner child when we are parenting our kids too.

That makes so much sense, but yet we're so unaware of when we're in the moment, especially most of us are at a younger age when those experiences are happening. How did your inner child show up once you became a mother?

So actually my inner child came up twice because I was born and raised in Hungary, but when I was 26, I left my corporate life behind and I decided that I moved to California to become an au pair to take care of two kids. So I had a dry run before I became parents by myself. When I was taking care of those two kiddos, they were very close to age and I wasn't expecting what happened. But one day we had a meltdown.

Speaker 1 (03:26.656)
I had a meltdown with the kids too. And that's when it clicked that all those emotions and feelings and behavior is actually not just mine, but it's coming from my parents. And that's when I realized that how much stuff and baggage and agenda and expectations we are, we are passing on to our kids on the next generation. And then that's when I started my own healing journey.

new triggers came up when I became a mom myself two and a half years ago. I became an older mom. This is not how I planned, but that's what I got. I felt that I got it all. I healed a lot. I will be a Buddha and I will be a very caring, loving parent. And then my daughter was born and I was triggered left and right. And I was like, I wasn't ready for that. And with all your hormonal issues going on, it was wide. It was a wide ride. And that's when I

decided to go back and do another healing and turn back to family constellation.

Do you think most parents realize that their own childhood is often still running the show?

Most not. We don't have time for that. So I keep hearing parents saying that I don't have time for that. But when you are in a vicious cycle so many times when you are parenting, for example, you yell at your child, you say that, I'm sorry, if you say sorry, but then you are like, no, tomorrow it's a new chapter, I will not do that again. But without awareness, without realizing what is really triggering you,

Speaker 1 (05:05.206)
It will be a vicious cycle of like shame, guilt, yelling again, shame, guilt, yelling again. And so many parents, especially the older generation, didn't or don't realize that. I'm so thankful that there are the newer generation, the millennials, the Gen Z parents are realizing that something was different and something needs to change. And they try to break the cycle. But what I recently seen is that

we are swinging 180 from the very rigid, very authoritative parenting to a very soft and gentle parenting. And what I'm trying to find also with my toddler is actually finding that middle ground, that how can we have boundaries, set boundaries where when kids feel safe, but also like not just saying no for the sake of saying no.

I think you're spot on with the generations. What do you think the shift is with the younger generations? What led to that shift in parenting?

I think overall there is a spiritual awakening in the collective and just even like more exposure. Like my mom's generation were like, this is just too complicated. We were just doing it. We were just just doing it. I was like, okay, that's great. But I had to go to therapist and do my other healing because of how you just did it. I don't blame her because of the historical events that was going on in Hungary.

They just roll with it. And it had its benefits, but also it had its disadvantages. And now there is like a more awakening and also social media, thanks to social media, more people are sharing their experiences that maybe that's not normal, what we normalized in the older generation. So exposure definitely, and I think there is a shift in the collective also that

Speaker 1 (07:11.618)
We are breaking cycles. We are healing our inner child right now.

I think that that's really apparent and it's filling out all around us. You mentioned family constellation a couple of times. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Sure. So Family Constellation has been around since the 1970s and it's coming from Germany. Actually, the founder was a German psychologist, Heilinger, but it's not very well known in the US. It's more popular in Europe and in South America. The foundation of Family Constellation is that whatever challenges we have in our life or in our kids' life, any emotional challenges,

financial challenges, environmental, physical, mental conditions too. It's actually rooting in a trauma that happened seven generations back. So actually if you have ADHD, if you have autoimmune diseases or you are attracting certain behaviors or your kids is bullied in school, it can be that something happened four, five, six generations back.

and there is a root cause for that, that trickle down, and you inherited that in the DNA.

Speaker 2 (08:25.752)
I think that that is the other part with the awakening is people are coming out of the box and expanding on all of the triggers and the different causes and more open to exploring that or even could this be a possibility? You speak beautifully about presence and boundaries and sort of how that shifted between the generations and it's fun to watch being part of the older generation and a person who may have

participated in watching the shift and watching how I've shifted. But I wonder what part of you did you have to silence the most when you became a mother?

my inner voice and when I became a mom, I was working with my own coach and she was, she's a mom of four, beautiful daughters. They are wonderful, wonderful daughters. And she just told me very casually, just listen to your inner voice. And I was like, excuse me, what is that? What do you mean? I was 38 and I realized that I silenced my inner voice like so long and my inner voice was

under layers and layers and layers that I had to one by one peel back. I have tons of energy and most kids have tons of energy, but we just silence them with like, just sit here, just sit tight, just don't do that. So we want them to be like independent, conquer the world type of kids, but they are the same when they are two years old and we want to silence them, they are just like, sit tight, don't speak, don't do this, don't do that.

And that's what happened with me. used to love dancing. I still love dancing. And that was my expression of like moving also when I was like young, but my parents hated it. And they were like, just, just stop shaking your body or stuff like that. And that was one way to actually slowly silencing me. That was one big shift, like peeling the onions back, the layer, the layers and finding the

Speaker 1 (10:33.518)
Who am I actually in the core without all the noises that's been with me? And finally really hearing that is it my ego? Is it my parents? Is it actually really me who is talking in the moment?

Nice, where would you say that you are on that journey of unsilencing yourself?

much better, still learning, still parenting. When people think that, you are a conscious parenting coach or a parenting expert, it's like, it's probably perfect in your household. Absolutely not. But I'm much more conscious now. So in the last 10 years, I healed and peeled a lot of layers and got rid of a lot of suffering and struggling and poverty from my lineages. So I can be more present with my daughter.

For example, if I yell, instead of like blaming my daughter, I just sit down and say, okay, what was my trigger? I sit down with her and say that it wasn't about you. It was mommy who was impatient or mommy was late or what happened. So it's like, she's not internalizing my struggles or my day-to-day life. So definitely better than 10 or 12 years ago.

but still learning. I'm on my journey.

Speaker 2 (11:54.286)
Beautiful, that's beautiful. Where do you think women are still taught to spiritualize their pain instead of express it?

I see that in cultures too. The US sometimes loves the toxic positivity that everything is rosy and unicorn-y and you just have to do it with a smile on your face. I see some opening and cracking, which is lovely, so the light is getting to the surface that it's not always unicorn-y. Some people don't have their village, some people struggle with postpartum depression or anxiety.

It's getting normal to actually talk about this, but I still feel that, okay, there is a stigma around if you are looking for a therapist or a holistic therapist. So there is more light coming in and there are cracks, which is lovely, but it's still like, we still have to push it through. But I don't want to push it through anymore and I don't want any women to push it through. I want them to know that I'm here if they want to have a very heart to heart.

action or a chat. I see they're struggling and even I see through their struggles when they don't want to express it. But it happened before that I asked somebody that, I help or do you want to have a chat? And it's like, what do you mean? I'm okay. And I don't want to step their boundaries. That's a boundary. But I just want them to know that if they want to have a chat, I'm always here to listen.

Also you talked about how some people push back because they're either not saying it or they're not ready. Has your work ever really brought up any unexpected rage or grief in your clients?

Speaker 1 (13:47.286)
especially family constellation. But what I like about family constellation that in a session, in a one and a half hour session, we go very deep, we feel the feelings and we come up. In family constellation, I will not leave you at the bottom when you are just so angry. I will bring you up with the family constellation. But what I want are my parents and my clients to feel that

it's okay in a safe environment to pop the lid and feel their range, feel their sadness, feel their grief. Currently I have a gentleman and he's going through divorce. When he talked about it, he was very neutral about it. And I was like, are you not angry? He's like, no, no, I'm fine. I was like, okay, let's go deeper. And we have some exercises that we do within the session. And I was like, I want you to feel that rain.

I want you to feel that sadness and grief. Divorce is grief. People put together that grieving is only if somebody passes away. But no, grieving is actually moving. Grieving is actually change. Grieving is to have a child because you are grieving your old life. And that's okay. It's okay to be angry about that. It's okay to be sad about it because it will not be the same. When we are just suppressing those feelings instead of like processing,

they will come back so much stronger or they come back as sickness, they come back as autoimmune disease or cancer or other stuff.

That is really important. It's definitely a process, but you can't work the process if you're not going to acknowledge it for sure. Do you think, and you sort of mentioned this with sometimes people's perceptions from the outside, do you think conscious parenting can sometimes become another system of pressure? Disguised as presence?

Speaker 1 (15:30.562)
Yes.

Speaker 1 (15:44.632)
Yes, absolutely. I feel that pressure on myself too, especially that I'm teaching it and that sometimes I feel that I should know better. But we shouldn't take out the human element. We shouldn't take out our own experiences, our own triggers. We are still healing, but we can bring more consciousness to actually to the healing too. It's not that conscious parenting doesn't mean that you are a perfect parent.

There is no perfect in parenting. But it's more like being closer to yourself and being closer to your child and not passing or not overcompensating or compensating for your childhood, but seeing the child in front of you for who they are is knowing that if you are a high extrovert, maybe you want to be on play dates all the time, but maybe you got

a lovely introvert child and they don't want to be outside all the time. They just want to cuddle with you. It's just acknowledging those differences and knowing that's conscious parenting for me. It's not about perfectness. It's not about like everything is amazing and interest perfect, but closer to reality and closer to core.

I would like to switch the topic a little bit. I don't think it's a big switch, but it's part of the topic, I don't think, that gets talked about near enough or even acknowledged. And that's people who experience miscarriages. It's really sacred terrain and does get left out a lot of these conversations. Can you talk a little bit about your work with that? Is that something you include in your work?

Yes, I do, and I experienced it. So I can speak from personal and professional experience. We had three miscarriages within one year. So that was definitely emotionally and physically tolling, especially that I was on the other side of those. So, and what I realized that it's still a taboo topic to talk about. And I hated that. And I decided that I will break it.

Speaker 1 (18:04.546)
just because it makes you comfortable, it's not that I will not speak my truth. Some people were like, even my dad, my own dad, when we went back to Hungary, I told him and he's like, I don't know what to tell you. It's like, what shall I say? And I was like, dad, you don't have to say anything about it. Just listen. Sometimes it's just the listening. And it's also depends, it's the journey for the person who had the miscarriages or has the miscarriages.

is different. I went through mine and I healed it so I can talk more neutral from a more neutral place about it as part of my experience. But for some people it's still a very raw experience and trauma. And if they are stuck in that trauma it's very hard to move them out of it if they don't want to and talk about it. So it also depends where you are.

in that journey of healing. But yes, I see that people are very uncomfortable. They don't know what to say about it. like, because it's grieving, but maybe it's not grieving. They don't know where is that boundaries like, it was just a six weeks old baby. Yes, maybe that's how you see it. But maybe how I see it is like, I'm grieving the what if I'm grieving that baby who I will never have. So

all sorts of experiences, I talk about my experiences very openly because it's a taboo. And the more open I've been about it, people are like, we had some too, or we had this or we had that. So more people were open about their experiences, which I appreciated that people felt comfortable opening up. So if you are listening to somebody who had a miscarriage or who has a miscarriage, sometimes just listening.

and just saying that if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen. That's enough. Don't have to hear them. Just be with them if you are comfortable.

Speaker 2 (20:10.444)
I think that's a really important part of the conversation. And I really am grateful that it's an area that you focus on because I think for many, and honestly, not just the women, but the men too, it's a very lonely path, especially historically. There's more awareness and conversation now, but it can be a very, very lonely place.

It is, it can be. And as you mentioned, thank you for including the dads too, because so many people are just focusing on the mom, but actually a dad lost a baby too. So that's including the other parent too, that how they feel about it. Maybe they want to look strong, but inside they are struggling. So how we can support the other parent too in this conversation or including them in this conversation too.

Just to expand on that a little bit with the work that you do, especially with the ancestral work, what do you think we can learn about love and lineage through the children who never arrive?

There is a reason. when people, I know that it sounds cliche, but when people say that, I'm sorry that you had your lost. Yes and no. They taught me so much and those babies, I still have them on a picture. I wanted to make like an art out of it. And I have my daughter on it in the middle, but we have little stars for those miscarriages symbolizing. So what is very important from family constellation point of view,

is acknowledging those babies, those on-board babies or even those aborted babies. Because if they are not acknowledged or forgotten, they are missing from the system and they want to be present, they want to be acknowledged. So in some work we've done before, kids were missing in those, on this family constellation and they can cause some troubles. Not because they want to cause trouble or

Speaker 1 (22:16.174)
cause challenges, but they want to be part of the family. are like, Hey, we are here too. We want to be in part of, we are part of this family. And they come in different challenges in some people's life. And it turns out that they knew about maybe the, if they had a brother or sister, but some don't, they didn't know about it. So for example, I was doing some family tree, exploring for my own family and I told my dad, did you know?

that your father had a baby brother who passed away when he was nine months old from lung issues. And he said that, I didn't know about it because he was just forgotten, but he was missing from the lineage. He was missing from the family web.

That's fascinating. did that experience, did it shift your relationship with motherhood or did it shift your relationship with your own body at all?

Absolutely. So first of all, I'm more understanding with my own family because I know that and that's what I try to teach to my clients too. I'm not pushing them towards forgiveness because that gives an extra pressure, but acceptance and accepting their situation, accepting that maybe they didn't have those lovely, caring parents they wanted to have. But we can go into a different that that's what their soul

shows but maybe some people don't agree with that, but it's more accepting. They were who they were because something happened before. And for example, in my lineage, there was a suicide from my great-grandmother and I always heard the story about her. And it turned out that she didn't commit suicide because of that reason I was keep hearing, but because couple of generations further, there was an abuse. And that's how

Speaker 1 (24:14.42)
actually trickled down to her that she was emotional and he shut down. She couldn't love my grandfather. My grandfather became an alcoholic, so he couldn't love my mom. So it was a wow, a big aha moment for me that it didn't start with my mom. My mom didn't just came here that, okay, I will be a very controlling mom. There was a reason and actually there was a reason for that and there was a why above that. So

lots of understanding, a lot of accepting, and that's a lot of love for all those healing that needed to be done and for all those struggles and suffering that was happening, for example in my lineage, yes.

That's really interesting. It's just understanding. Yes. And having the information without having to judge the information sounds like it made such a big difference for you.

Yes. And it happened, for example, with one of my clients, she's a mom and she had this rage in her and she didn't want to pass that on to her son. And it turned out that it's coming from her grandfather and she was angry at her grandfather. But as soon as we realized where the grandfather's issues were coming from and challenges, she was more accepting, more like, he didn't want to be just like a grumpy.

grandfather who he was. There was a reason for that. again, it's not like forgiving, it's not forgetting. It's like, okay, I understand. Maybe one day I can make peace with it and that's okay.

Speaker 2 (25:57.228)
When you're working with your clients, how do you know when a parent that you're working with has really come back into their body or into their true presence? how are you seeing that process work?

So in a family constellation session, we work with colored papers. the colored papers, so we work with the family conscientious or the constellation field that opens up for my client and for me when we are in a session. So those colored papers are guiding us. They guide us back that it was a historical event or a family-related event to the rote trauma. And then in conversations,

We heal that moment, we give back the responsibility and the burden to the person who it belonged to. Usually my clients feel a relief, some kind of relief. Some of my clients start to like yawn. For example, last time we had a half an hour yawning session with my client. It came out of nowhere. We were back and forth yawning and that's healing, that's releasing. Some of my clients cry. Some clients like

I feel very angry, but now I feel like gentle, I feel soft, I feel like a burden just rolled off my shoulder. So there are some kind of relief immediately in the session, but one session works days, weeks after. So healing is like a butterfly effect. I would like to say we just like give a flicker for the soul and the soul starts to heal, not just...

for the person but backwards, backwards and forwards too.

Speaker 2 (27:41.198)
Wow, that's actually really beautiful. I can see that. For people who want to connect with you and your work, what does that look like and how do they do that?

So usually people who are very much in pain and who tried a lot of different outlets come to me because it's a holistic method, not very well known in the US and for some people it's like, I don't know how this looks like. They know how traditional therapy looks like, but they are not aware that there is a root cause for that issue or might be a root cause. So they try all the specialists, all the different treatments and they are like, okay, let me

try this one, I'm open enough to try it and they can reach me on my webpage, awareness.net. They usually book a 15 minute chat and I explain how it works. They don't have to be like spiritual to accept that, but just open-minded that they are open for the experience and open for whatever happened needs to be happened.

Beautiful and I'll make sure that I include all of that in the show notes and on the website. As we've been talking about all of this, I feel the spiritual thread with it, but just as you were saying it, I wouldn't say that it sounds real woo woo like something's been sound for people.

The voo-voo part comes when people ask me that, okay, I didn't know my great-great-great grandparents. I don't know the generations, five, six, seven, eight generations back. How do you know what happened then? And when I say that actually the colored papers are guiding us and seeing a color, for example, if I show a red and you feel like, this is so soft, I want to give a hug, or I show a green and it's like, I feel very tense and I feel like,

Speaker 1 (29:29.548)
something is very uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable. And it's not just the relation to those colors or like, I love lavender colors or I love this earth green color. But it's what they bring up for me and for my clients. And that's the Fufu part. People is like, you are not just coming up with some stories out of nowhere. And I was like, I wish I would have this creativity and imagination, but no.

because as soon as I start to say that, this picture came up for me, or they start to say that, oh, I just see a little baby, or I see this person, that person, I am checking back in that, does this feel real? Does this feel true? And they are like, yes. How is it? How do you know? And that's like, I don't know. It's the constellation field that opens up for me. I cannot just come up with a story. I need you.

to give permission so we can be in that field that guides us. So that's the voodoo part.

Okay. And it's interesting, the woo-woo part that you described sounded really tangible to me. So it's really truly how one perceives that. Any last thoughts for someone listening who may be like right on that edge of their own healing journey or have just some curiosity or they're just sitting in a place alone.

You are not alone. You are actually much more powerful and magical than you think you are. Please reach out for some kind of help. If you need traditional therapy, if you need holistic therapy, if you are open, just find your modalities. Try different modalities that work for me. I tried so many things before I found family constellation and it just resonated with my personality. Try, a session with people.

Speaker 1 (31:19.38)
actually your own healing is in your hand. Don't expect others to do it for you, the challenging part, but the others can heal you, with your, guide you through this healing journey. So it all starts with you.

Nice. You're never alone in it. think that's the best kept secret out there really is just how powerful we all are. I would like to close the show with a reflection based on your work. I would ask everyone to take a deep breath with myself and Blanca.

What part of you right now is asking to be parented? What voice have you silenced because you thought it was too much, too messy, or just too loud? And what grief have you been quietly carrying, believing it had no place in the story of love? If anything in this conversation stirred something in you, know that it didn't come to hurt.

It came to return you to yourself. Because presence is imperfection. Presence is imperfection. It's about showing up even when it's hard. Thank you Blanca for walking with us into this really the deep waters of parenting grief and healing. To all the listeners out there, may you remember your healing is your child's inheritance.

and what a great inheritance it is. Until next time, thanks again, Lanka.

Speaker 1 (33:00.12)
Thank you so much for having me. Thank you all.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Wild Soul Gathering's Happy Hour for the Spiritually Curious. To learn more about our guests, please go to our website, WildSoulsGathering.com. We're very eager to hear from our listeners what you thought of the episode, topics you might like us to cover in the future, your thoughts on spirituality, questions you may have. Please feel free to send us an email at WildSoulsGathering.gmail.com.

This is your host, Dr. Sandra Marie, sending each of you peace and love. Until we meet again, embrace your wild soul.