Does Getting Dressed Affect Your Nervous System? Style, Safety, and Identity Explained

What if getting dressed is affecting far more than your appearance?

In this episode, Dr. Sandra Marie sits down with personal stylist and former mental health professional Jaime Diehl to explore the surprising connection between style, nervous system regulation, identity, confidence, and emotional safety. 

Jaime shares how childhood experiences, social conditioning, body image, and life transitions can deeply influence the way women relate to clothing and self-expression. Together, they discuss why style is often less about trends and more about safety, visibility, embodiment, and self-trust. 

The conversation explores:

•  The nervous system connection to clothing and style 
•  Why many women struggle with being “seen” 
•  How old stories influence wardrobe choices 
•  Decision fatigue and simplifying the closet 
•  Why clearing out clothing can feel emotional and freeing 
•  Style as embodiment instead of performance 
•  Becoming your own “style muse” instead of following outside rules 

This episode offers a grounded and thoughtful perspective on style as an everyday practice of self-awareness, creativity, nervous system support, and personal agency. 

Connect with Jaime Diehl HERE

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Transcript

speaker-1 (00:02.574)
Enjoy this Wild Soul gathering production. I'm Dr. Sandra Marie. Pour yourself a really tall glass of spiritual curiosity and join me for the happy hour for the spiritually curious podcast. In the spirit of happy hour, cheers to some new insights, peace, revitalization, and perhaps an aha moment that may change your life. Enjoy this art of the nervous system replay.

Today we are starting with dressing for safety style, identity and nervous system calm. I am really excited to talk with our first guest on this topic that often feels overlooked or minimized, especially related to nervous system care. Jamie Deal is a personal stylist whose work sits at the intersection of mental health and embodiment and everyday nervous system regulation. Before entering the world of styling,

Jamie spent over a decade as a community mental health professional in home family therapy and formal training and psychology. I love the marriage between these two. Today she helps women understand style not as performance or trend following, but as one of the most accessible daily practices for grounding, self-trust, nervous system support, especially during these times of change. Welcome to the summit, Jamie.

speaker-0 (01:28.654)
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. And something unexpected just happened. A little tear came to my eye when you made that introduction. When you said earlier regulation isn't a formula, my pings went off because nor is style a specific formula. So thank you so much for making the connection between wellness and clothing. I'm so happy to be here.

speaker-1 (01:53.184)
Awesome. So you work with women in the Tampa Bay area and you also have clients all around the world. You see how small everyday choice shape how we move through the world. Getting dressed is one of the first embodied decisions we make each day. Why does that moment matter more than we realize?

speaker-0 (02:17.73)
Well, presumably getting dressed is one of the first embodied things that all of us did today. And that sets the tone for the remainder of the day. The actual clothing we place on our skin, on our body. I love fashion and I love perception and I love trends and all of those things, but really deeply rooted into the soul.

before we go out into the world, have this cloth that we place on our body. And that's why I think it's really important to turn people's minds onto that is the first embodied decision you make of the day.

speaker-1 (02:55.48)
Well, in your work, you have noticed that women don't actually resist the trendy or cool clothes. They resist how it feels to be seen, or they resist the change. Tell me more about that.

speaker-0 (03:08.044)
wow, that's a great place to start. we grow up as we do in all different subjects of life. How we do one thing is how we do all things. And we're imprinted over the years because of my behavioral psychology background. I kind of think about it like when we're really young.

We have the most creative expression and freedom with our clothes. I always tell people the story and I'll never forget it. My little brother, who's now 40 years old, used to live every day in a little cutoff t-shirt, tight biker shorts, and cowboy boots. And that's the way he wanted to live. And we have pictures of this. I just spoke about it at his wedding, trying to like make everybody laugh about how he used to dress when he was little. And then we move into...

We don't wanna stand out. We lose a little bit of that creative freedom and expression because we become in that adolescent part, we don't wanna break from the pack. It feels unsafe to break from the pack. This is a very primitive feeling, but it still stays in us. That feeling doesn't leave because we're all human beings. So those middle school years, and I want everybody to reflect back, is there a story that you still carry? I was sort of always teased.

so to speak, for the way my body looked. People thought, you know, being like super tiny was like odd. And the way clothes did or did not fit on me, because we didn't, we couldn't afford, we were like a hand-me-down family. So people would tease if you looked different. All of my friends were able to bond with each other by getting the same exact back-to-school clothes. I was like the odd girl out because we couldn't afford that. That gets imprinted upon you.

I have clients who say that for the first time ever in ninth grade, they just wanted to wear this adorable French beret that their grandmom gave them and they walked into school and got teased and then for the rest of their lives, even if they're 55, they refuse to wear a hat. These stories get imprinted and then maybe in our 20s, we get a little bit more like, ah, screw everybody, I'm gonna wear what I wanna wear and create a freedom.

speaker-0 (05:20.908)
and it grows more and more, 30s, 40s, 50s, but some of us are still carrying those old stories and that ends up influencing your purchasing decisions, what you put on your body every day. So when someone gets brave enough to want to work with me and kind of just, Jamie, help me have fun with my clothing again. Objectively, if I say, Dr. Sandra, this is like an amazing outfit on you. The clients usually need a minute because the body is like,

this is wrong. It doesn't feel good. It's not right. And that doesn't often mean we got the wrong outfit. It usually means, my God, I'm being seen as fill in the blank, beautiful and you've never been called beautiful before or stylish because you don't identify as a stylish person. So it takes some of my clients a minute when we activate a new wardrobe to really like

sink in and say, thank you. This is actually how I wanted you to make me feel, but I have to be able to receive it because we have all of these patterns that trained us to see ourselves a certain way.

speaker-1 (06:25.474)
That makes so much sense. So let's focus on the body just a little bit more. You talk a lot about body shape as information, but not judgment, because that's a big one. Why that distinction is so important, especially for women who have spent years filling out odds with their body.

speaker-0 (06:48.11)
have so much understanding for that. Every shape and size has felt like they were at odds with their body. I am now myself, 49, and in menopause, and that's opening up this whole new world of body relationship issues. And it's really attracting a lot of midlife women to my services because you get to this point in your life where, hey, I actually have a lot more embodied confidence.

I have a little bit more resources to spend on my wardrobe than I did when I was in my twenties, but I have a tough relationship with, know, are my, how do I fit my wider hips or I want to hide my tummy or I want to do this and I want to do that. And I feel like personal style should be a beautiful marriage between learning the actual mechanics. So when I teach women to identify what their body shape is and learn about the clothing that will flatter them,

I never want it to be about flattering because anybody else said that you have to look that way. It's just that I've learned over time that women light up when they have the proper fit. And it doesn't mean you're now better or attractive to someone else or whatever that may be. We're just, it's just information that the body shapes, we're just playing with geometry and stuff like that on the body. We still have a lot of women because we're only in 2026.

We still have a lot of women who have those old school rules where not trying to be mean, but their moms or their aunts or whomever said, and this is what they've said to my clients, girls in our family don't wear two piece bathing suits like the rest of your friends, you're too big. Girls like us, our family, we don't wear shorts because our thighs are really big. And all of these things that I'm trying to now reverse and women are now finally coming around to it.

But I also don't want women to swing the opposite way and say, forget all of the rules because they're just some mechanics that can help you. And then you choose, do I want to use them or quote unquote break the rules? So when we talk about bodies, I do it in a very loving and caring way. And it sort of shifts from like, okay, I'm just learning about shapes and how to make my body feel good. And I've learned the tools and the rules. We're just playing around with shapes.

speaker-0 (09:10.318)
and I can use those tools when I want to and then I cannot at other times, you know, because now baggy is in. So flattering isn't necessarily always in. Does that make sense?

speaker-1 (09:20.204)
Yeah, gosh, that was so important. gives you the insight and it connects all the dots. That was just so important. So why can letting go of the clothes that no longer fit our body, life, energy, feel so charged when we let go, but at the same time, so relieving sometimes? Yes.

speaker-0 (09:41.678)
Because stories are attached. Stories are attached, know. It could be as simple as, you know, I just can't get rid of this blazer. And when I talk about, okay, let's talk about why. Sometimes it's just guilt for, well, I spent so much money on that, I should be wearing it. Sometimes it's just as simple as that. And other times it's like, well, you know, I, this is the blazer I wore when I went on a

first date with my husband and now we're divorced and it's an old memory. So there are positive stories and there are negative stories. When my grandma passed down this dress, I feel terrible getting rid of it. But I love to talk to women when they have those stories. Let's talk about the energy of keeping it hanging there and getting in your way versus a release, just a happy release to the universe. And I have found that

When we're working with the clothes in the closet, whether we're deciding to keep or get rid of, it's the mechanics. So keeping should make me feel good and I know how to style this and this should be clean and not have holes and it should represent me and how I want to be represented out in the world. But it's also like for the discards.

Let's give them a home. Let your brain know we don't have to throw these things away. There are places that it can be donated. It might be in great quality where we want to pass it on to our friends who it would light them up with joy. So we have these stories attached and sometimes all it takes is a few minutes of talking about those stories and the body is ready to release it.

speaker-1 (11:15.276)
Okay, so you would consider cleaning out the closet and active nervous system regulation then, right? Yeah. Absolutely.

speaker-0 (11:23.084)
In the way that a lot of your beautiful speakers who are here throughout the summit talk with energy, my perspective is that it's the energy, then we get to make the tangible part come with it too. We actually get to touch the things. We're not just releasing from the mind. It's like the marriage of two, which is the thing that lights me up between the tangible and the spirit and like, you know, physically letting them go, but mentally letting them go.

speaker-1 (11:51.596)
And that's very tangible. That's what the summit's about. So you had mentioned, you know, that you're going through this menopause phase of life. Many women, especially as they age, you know, we take on more responsibility and we tend to become less playful a lot of times because there's just a lot going on. We're going to have our careers and all of that. How does style become a pathway back to creativity and joy instead of just adding more work?

shifting that narrative.

speaker-0 (12:24.078)
Yes, that's one of my favorite parts. We lose the joy and the creativity and the fun expression. And generally speaking, when you reach midlife, it's very likely that if you've had children, they're old enough now that they need you less and less. So suddenly the space is open, even though we're busy, suddenly the space is open to think about yourself a little bit more.

I would want women to focus on the fact that, you know, even if the closet isn't a huge source of stress for you, it's not for every woman. Some people are ready to get creative and play. But I would just say making the space for it is, you know, it makes shopping decisions easier. It makes packing for trips easier. It makes making a work wardrobe easier, a weekend fun.

Focusing on that area of wellness is the same as allowing time for, you know, meditation or spiritual healing or therapy to activate because like we said at the top, getting dressed is one of the most embodied decisions you make all day. It brings joy back to midlife if you kind of feel like you lost that creativity or, you know, who am I? Midlife isn't necessarily a struggle for anybody. I don't mean to paint it that way. I talked to lots of women who are

feeling like, let's go. The kids need me less. My career is flowing nice and smooth. I just kind of want to figure out who I am now. And I choose not to. What I'm kind of studying is do what maybe some of the generations did before us, which is surrender to like that fade away that typically happens in the 40s and the 50s. That feeling of becoming like invisible and everyone's obsessed with youth. There are a lot of women out there who are like, nope.

I'm gonna do midlife differently than my mom did. And the easiest way to figure that out is through personal style, the clothes you wear.

speaker-1 (14:25.469)
I love it. I'm like

speaker-0 (14:26.318)
I felt like a little bit of spirit coming in there. So I hope that answered the original question.

speaker-1 (14:31.234)
No, no, absolutely. Like I just think it's a new phase of life that has been really very super exciting for me. So that all makes sense. I feel both sides of it. So I love, I love how you explain that. So when you're working with people and say they're downsizing and purging a little bit, what have you noticed shifting when they have less decision fatigue? I don't know if that's the way to put it with their

speaker-0 (14:40.813)
I'm not needed here.

speaker-1 (15:00.748)
wardrobe. Is there more calm from simplifying things around them?

speaker-0 (15:06.318)
Absolutely, absolutely. And then less decision fatigue, that almost connects me. That closed the loop in my mind. I feel like that helps the last question be fully answered. Yes, we have these busy full lives, but to know that this actual intentional style is just gonna make your life easier and give you less decision fatigue in the future. So yes, again, it's the mechanical and the spiritual side. The mechanics of it are that it's so nice to walk in there and see.

only things that you love and make you feel excited to get dressed and light you up. when you're called to, you know, a last minute, you know, why night with the ladies or book circle and everyone maybe wants to wear something special or just a presentation. It's so nice. It's such a relief to go to your closet and say, I know exactly what I want to wear to that. So it's the mechanical side of it. But then it's also a relief because women are stunned at how much

less you actually need to make more outfits in life when the things are all, the pieces are all set up intentionally. So less is more truly in your closet. But then it shifts up. You are carrying yourself differently. I am such a big fan of turning the light on for women that you're projecting an energy. You're not just projecting an energy to the world, but it's activating your energy.

Just an outfit can activate a certain kind of feeling within you, then that then gets projected out into the world. I love to speak to all of you with my favorite necklace, a blazer. You are all lovely, kind people, I'm sure, who are watching. Fashion isn't the top of everyone's mind. I probably could have come here in a bathrobe and you would have been okay with that.

But you probably would have had that initial thing like, wait, she came in pajamas or she came in a bathrobe? Like, what's up with that? Like, it's still, and like, we're not gonna change the human race by telling people to not judge a book by its cover. We just always are going to. So why not just, you know, focus a little bit on, we are gonna be perceived in a certain way. So why not be intentional because...

speaker-0 (17:24.012)
You can get a specific kind of outfit to show that you're a professional. You can get a specific kind of outfit to show that you're like spiritual and embodied and, you know, I work with moms, I work with professionals. So like outfits can tell a story and it's to inform your energy, but to project something out into the world too, because people are gonna start telling stories about you as soon as they see you.

speaker-1 (17:50.062)
that makes so much sense. you teach to become, you teach women to become their own style muse rather than dressing for a future self or an ideal self. What that really feels pretty powerful to me. Tell me a little more about that. I love the term.

speaker-0 (18:12.494)
Thank you. And it mostly comes from my work. So I've been a stylist. I'm going into 11 years of this now. But mostly over the past few years, there is a repeated pattern going on with women I work with. Sometimes this happens to men too, but I mostly style women. And they're mostly, you they have different characteristics when it comes to revamping their style, but let's just stick with women for a moment. We have

So much access to information. We have so much more information about everything more than our moms and our grandmoms. And that was supposed to be a good thing. And now what it's doing to the closet is that women are falling back into that comparison syndrome and they're watching influencers who zero shade because sometimes they're helpful to my business. But that's like, you know, we're looking at these social media feeds that it's like, get these boots.

No, two months later they're out, get this, get that. And I started to see women, strong, confident, powerful women in other areas of their life start to become a total mess when it comes to style, almost like a style mess was what I call it. So like from style mess to style muse, why are you as a confident, embodied, loving woman letting all these outside influences tell you what your personal style should be?

Another outside influence is all of those stories from day one that I told you about earlier. So all of this comes in our mind and it influences the clothes we wear. What influencers say to do, you know, from when your uncle made fun of your cut up jeans and the stories that happened, all of those stories. And now influencers, and we're copying off of influencers without checking into our own brain. All of a sudden I said, we need to stop. Become your own style muse.

Agency, sovereignty, making your own choices. If I teach you the quote unquote traditional fashion rules of how to dress for your body shape, it's because I want you to feel more empowered to make your own decisions. It doesn't mean that you have to then be sexy or flatter to show the world. It's I want you to have all the tools, but become your own style muse. So.

speaker-0 (20:30.478)
working in fashion for me is not just shopping with women, it's not just getting in their closets, it's returning agency to them. And Style Muse has sprouted in me over the past several months for a persona that anyone listening can kind of latch onto. one of the best takeaways you could take is just after today, let everything land.

Am I being my own style muse or am I living from other people's rules and stories?

speaker-1 (21:01.582)
is so important. You know what, I could talk to you literally for an hour. I have so many more questions and our time is almost up. just have a few minutes. So as we're winding down, last question, if someone's listening today and they feel disconnected from their closet, from themselves, what's one small embodied shift they could make that would support more ease for them just right now?

speaker-0 (21:29.24)
Figure out what it is in your closet that you already own. The best outfit you have, even if it's something you feel like you wear on repeat. And I want you to, if you can, maybe just look in the mirror and say, like, I am safe, I am beautiful, I am my own style, Muse. But then also ask, what is it about this one outfit I love the most and I wear it on repeat?

So I gave you the spiritual part, here's the mechanical part. What is it? Is it that you love the color purple? Is it love that you love wearing florals? Is it that you love being this like my outfits a little bit rocker chic, but it's also professional? Like try to look at the clues in your favorite pieces and become your own style muse and realize your closet should be full of more of that and less of the stuff that drags you down.

speaker-1 (22:23.47)
Perfect. Thank you, Jamie. You have brought such a grounded, thoughtful perspective to this conversation. I appreciate the way you've shown that style isn't performance or perfection, but it's about creating more ease, safety, and presence in everyday life. I have to tell you, this was just a perfect start off to day one. I just, awesome. So to learn more about Jamie and her work, can go to her website, jamiedealstyle.com.

And that is Jamie DLDIEHLstyle.com. Thanks again, Jamie. You are awesome.

speaker-0 (22:59.475)
Thank you.

speaker-1 (23:01.144)
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Wild Soul Gathering's Happy Hour for the Spiritually Curious. To learn more about our guests, please go to our website, WildSoulsGathering.com. We're very eager to hear from our listeners what you thought of the episode, topics you might like us to cover in the future, your thoughts on spirituality, questions you may have. Please feel free to send us an email at WildSoulsGathering.gmail.com.

This is your host, Dr. Sandra Marie, sending each of you peace and love. Until we meet again, embrace your wild soul.